Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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