it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
