im holly from the hills drunk
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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