If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
