Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Randomize
