i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
