oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize