Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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