So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
