i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize