the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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