I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
