a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I just blew my weed a kiss
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
