she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
apparently the secret to your success is patron
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
