Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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