spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
