...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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