I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
