My sheets look like a crime scene.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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