he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
