so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
