He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
