So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
