One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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