I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
