i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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