I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Randomize
