Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
