no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
