i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
