I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
