maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
