we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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