how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
