Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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