my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
