I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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