Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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