All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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