did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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