Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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