I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
whose parrot is this?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
