This dress was meant to end up on your floor
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
