Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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