You were right. It hurts to walk today.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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