I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
It's never too late to be topless.
It's official drugs can't kill me
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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