I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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