You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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