so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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