you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
