Ambien. No doubt about it.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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