There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
