you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
