I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
