he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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