i jhust puked up my retainher.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
