my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
