My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
