Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
