Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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