She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
