apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Randomize
