You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i just sent this text using only my big toe
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize