just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
The Olympian is in my bed
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
