I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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