my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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