i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
