There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
