i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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