Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
