I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
