Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
