i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
