Swine flu. Run for my life!
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
