I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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