just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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